Getting started in family mediation: what happens at the initial meetings?
Family mediation is a voluntary and confidential process, in which you work with a family mediator to try to resolve the issues arising from your separation or divorce. The family mediator is a trained, neutral specialist, and can help you to deal with dividing your assets and sorting out any ongoing financial support, working out the arrangements for your children, or both.
The purpose of mediation is to enable you to discuss things directly with each other, rather than through solicitors, with the mediator facilitating your discussions as an impartial third party. The aim is to give you control over the outcome and to reduce conflict as much as possible, whilst also typically reducing costs and resolving disagreements more quickly.
The first step in the mediation process is for each of you to have an individual meeting with the mediator, to inform you about how mediation works and to help work out whether it might be suitable and helpful for you. This is known as a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, or MIAM. After you have each attended a MIAM, if you both want to go ahead and the mediator thinks it would be appropriate, you can proceed to a first joint mediation session.
What happens during a MIAM?
1: Explaining the Process
- The mediator will take you through:
- What mediation involves and how it works
- The likely benefits of mediation compared to other options for resolving disputes
- How confidentiality works in mediation, and what the limited exceptions to it are
- The circumstances in which the mediation process might be brought to an end, bearing in mind that it is entirely voluntary for both of you
- The practical details, such as costs, methods of communication and considerations of whether mediation should be in-person or remote
2: Gathering Information
- The mediator will ask you to describe, in broad terms, your situation and circumstances and the disagreements that you are seeking to resolve
- You will have the chance to ask the mediator questions about the process
3: Assessment by the Mediator
- Based on your discussions, the mediator will consider:
- Whether they think mediation is a suitable option for you, taking into account the issues that you wish to resolve, your emotional preparedness, whether it seems likely that both of you will cooperate with providing the necessary information and negotiating constructively
- Whether they think there are any potential safeguarding issues that might either make mediation unsuitable or require adjustments to be made in order for it to go ahead
- Whether they think that it might be helpful to put either of you in touch other professionals for advice or support, such as a solicitor (if you do not already have one), a counsellor or a financial adviser
What happens after the MIAMs?
- If the mediator’s view is that mediation seems to be appropriate for you, and if you both agree, then the mediator will offer you both a first joint mediation session in order to continue the process. The mediator will prepare a formal agreement to mediate and send it to both of you to consider
- If the mediator’s view is that mediation is not suitable in your circumstances, or if either of you decide that you do not want to participate in it, then the mediator can suggest alternatives and recommend other professionals who might be able to help you. The mediator can also arrange for the necessary certificate to be provided to confirm that you have explored mediation so that you can make a court application, if one of you wishes to do so
What happens at the first joint meeting?
1: Introductions and Formally Starting the Process
- The mediator will give a reminder on their role and the mediation process, particularly if some time has passed since your MIAMs
- The mediator will ask you both to confirm that you are happy with the agreement to mediate, which you will then sign. This confirms that you understand what is expected of you, and what you can expect from the mediator, and also covers things like data protection, costs, and complaints procedures
- The mediator will summarise the key points that arose from your MIAMs, such as shared concerns that you have both expressed and potential areas of significant disagreement
2: Your Goals
- Each of you will be invited to outline what you hope to achieve through the mediation process and why, without interruption
3: Agenda and Priorities
- You will work with the mediator to identify the main issues that you feel that you need to discuss, and seek to agree on the order in which you will try to deal with them, although this can always be revisited during the process and does not have to be set in stone
4: Financial Disclosure
- If resolving financial issues is part of the agenda, the mediator will talk you through what information and documentation you will each need to gather and provide, and explain how you will provide them to the mediator and to each other, and agree when
5: Beginning to Work Through Your Agenda
- Once your agenda is in place, if there is sufficient time and you are both happy to do so, you can start discussing the items on it with the help of the mediator
6: Planning the Next Steps
- At the end of the session, you will usually discuss with each other and the mediator:
- What you will each need to think about and do before the next session (including gathering your financial disclosure if necessary)
- When the next session will take place
The first joint session is primarily about laying the foundations for the rest of the process, rather than rushing into trying to resolve the issues straight away. The MIAMs and the first joint session together are about establishing what you both want to achieve through mediation and tailoring the process to help you to do it. The mediation process can be as long or as short as you both want it to be, but most mediations conclude within 4–5 joint sessions, depending on how many issues you need to work through, how complex they are and the degree of disagreement between you.
How can our family law solicitors help?
If you are going through a separation or divorce and would like to know more about how family mediation might be able to help, our family mediators would be happy to talk to you, sensitively and in confidence.
If you would like to learn more about why mediation is often a calmer, faster and more cost-effective alternative to court, join our upcoming lunchtime webinar, Divorce Without Court: How Family Mediation Protects Families, Finances and Children on 26th February.
In this webinar we will explore how mediation supports better communication, reduces conflict, and helps create long-lasting workable solutions.
This session will guide you through the benefits and practicalities of using mediation, so if you are looking to learn more about how you can move forward from your separation in a more dignified, collaborative way, reserve your place today!
The content of this page is a summary of the law in force at the date of publication and is not exhaustive, nor does it contain definitive advice. Specialist legal advice should be sought in relation to any queries that may arise.
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