Christmas co-parenting: Managing divorce, separation, and child arrangements

The festive season is often portrayed as a time of joy and togetherness, but for families navigating divorce or separation, Christmas can bring unique challenges.

At Freeths we understand how emotionally charged this period can be. That’s why we’re bringing back our “12 Days of Christmas” campaign, where we bring you 12 articles covering topics and questions relevant to separated families.

We’re kicking off the series with our top tips on managing co-parenting and separation - please read on as we share some technical and practical advice to help you manage this festive period.

1. Plan ahead for child arrangements

One of the most common causes of tension is deciding where children will spend Christmas, and how this special time of year will be divided between their homes with each parent.

There is no single rule or law that governs how children should spend their time at Christmas. Parents will be expected to act in the best interests of their children and avoid unnecessary conflict and disruption. If communication is difficult, consider mediation to help in reaching a conclusion.

While each family has different circumstances to consider, a common approach is for the Christmas arrangements to alternate each year, showing the children that they have two homes of equal importance. Children’s wishes and feelings may also play a significant role in determining the arrangements, but this is just one factor, and care should be taken to ensure that children are not placed in a difficult position where the burden is on them to make difficult adult decisions – particularly with younger children.

Even if you already have a Child Arrangements Order, it is possible to vary the arrangements by consent which may give you more flexibility when it comes to putting arrangements in place for Christmas. If there is no agreement, stick to what has been ordered.

2. Avoid financial surprises

Christmas can be expensive, and financial pressures often intensify during separation.

Be mindful of any spousal or child maintenance obligations and avoid large purchases that could complicate your ability to meet those obligations. Consider also how seasonal spending fits into your overall financial plan and settlement negotiations.

It is useful to remember that courts expect divorcing parties to provide full and frank disclosure of their financial circumstances, which will be reviewed by the other party – including bank statements. Disproportionate spending at this time of year may lead to questions being raised by your ex-spouse which could generate mistrust and delay settlement.

3. Prioritise your wellbeing

Divorce is emotionally draining, and the festive season can magnify feelings of anxiety or isolation. You may also feel a sense of mourning for previous family traditions that are no longer possible and trying to replicate these can create unnecessary pressure.

Focus instead on creating new traditions that reflect your current circumstances and avoid comparing your festive season to others – social media often paints an unrealistic picture!

Prioritise self-care, taking time for activities you enjoy and ensuring you maintain healthy routines around sleep and exercise; even a gentle walk can have a big impact on your wellbeing, especially at this time of year when the days are shorter and darker.

Manage any separation-related conflict proactively by considering co-parenting apps that help keep communication structured and calm. If discussions become stressful, take a break and revisit the conversation later. Remember that written communication can provide clarity and a record if disputes arise later.

Seek support where you can. Friends and family can provide emotional support, as can therapists, counsellors and divorce coaches. Solicitors can also offer support by providing legal advice to reduce uncertainty and stress.

4. Focus on new beginnings

The festive period, and the promise of a new year, can bring with it a sense of new beginnings.

Give some thought to what you want to achieve over the next 12 months in terms of your financial and children arrangements. If things are particularly strained, consider professional help or arranging a consultation with a family solicitor who can provide support and advice to help you achieve your goals.

5. Remember: Christmas is one day

It’s easy to feel pressure to make Christmas perfect but remember that it is just one day. In fact, many children love the experience of having two Christmases on separate days across two households. What matters is their sense of security and wellbeing, not just during Christmas, but throughout the year.

Early professional advice can help with navigating these issues. A solicitor can help you understand your rights and options and will help you decide on the most appropriate approach towards resolving your family law matters, with consideration to your specific circumstances.

If you want to know how we can assist with your family law matters, please get in touch to arrange a confidential consultation.